Planning Ahead For Looking Back

Every year, I wish I’d done a better job of documenting the previous year. I’m not one for New Year’s Resolutions, mostly because I don’t trust myself to follow through, but this year, I’m making one: Better documentation of life throughout the year so that, next year, I’m not wishing I’d done a better job of it!

I’m sharing my ideas and plans here for two reasons:

– It might inspire someone.
– I would love—read LOVE—to hear your thoughts and ideas about how you document various aspects of your life.

And now for The Details:

Evernote* has been on and off my radar ever since it first came out a few years ago. I have decided to use it as a hub for my Better Documentation because:
» I’m a geek and I like things in the cloud, rather than on paper. (I can always print it out on paper, if I get a hankering.) Evernote is The Ultimate Portal to “the cloud”. I can use it on my phone or on my PC or via my email from someone else’s PC! (I use Gmail because I also like my email in the cloud.)
» I like to do everything with my phone— (no, EVERYthing. I’m writing this post from my phone [thank you WordPress!] and I’m annoyed that they haven’t yet developed a phone that turns into a car — and also a bed ;)). But when I don’t feel like thumbing it out on my phone, it will be nice to be able to access/add to my notebooks from my computer.
» I can create multiple notebooks and post pictures, videos, notes— even files! —to them. It will be a virtual library of scrapbooks, without the clutter! Evernote also has the handy capability of searching for text within images!!! So if I jot “Dream House Floorplan” on a napkin while at the coffee shop, draw out the floorplan, take a picture of it and upload it to Evernote, I can do a search later for “dream house” and Evernote will find that image! That’s just geeky coolness, even if I don’t end up utilizing that feature much. ;)
» Did I mention you can also share individual posts and/or whole notebooks from Evernote with your friends and family??

So those are the reasons I’m picking Evernote as my primary tool for accomplishing this year’s resolution. On to the good stuff…

The Resolution
1. I WILL take a picture of my family once a week (group or single shots). At the end of the year, I’ll have at least 52 pictures documenting how we have changed in appearance.
2. I WILL write a diary entry every day, no matter how short. I plan to include Weather, Mood, and Highlights from the day. I HOPE to include daily details as often as possible, but realistically, it’s going to be tough enough just getting the basic details down on a daily basis. But the FUN part of all this will be in two years, when I can look at diary entries from exactly a year ago and see what we were doing and how I was feeling (and whether or not it was raining that day too!).
3. I WILL take more pics and videos of the kids!! These will be posted to Evernote with a specific tag so they can be meshed in with everything else but capable of being separated into their own group for easier browsing.
4. Lastly, I plan to have a virtual scrapbook of get-togethers, parties, and other events or special odds & ends. It will contain things like pictures of birthday cards, movie tickets, group photos, cherished gifts, favorite clothing, etc.

Interestingly enough, as I was brainstorming all of this yesterday and today, one of my best friends was apparently having a similar inspiration. She discovered something called a “Smash Book“. You can see a short but very descriptive video of it here: http://youtu.be/_PFsArr4Z1s

Basically, it’s the papery, non-geek version of what I’ll be doing with Evernote— and it’s pretty cool. If you’re not a cloud-freak like I am, or if you like being able to touch mementos, you should check it out. It’s a great concept, and while they sell everything you could possibly need to make one, there are lots of YouTube videos on how to make your own.

So there you have it: my ideas for better documentation of my family’s life in the coming year. Did any of it inspire you?

Please share your thoughts, suggestions, and original ideas because I would love the opportunity to be inspired by YOU! :)

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*I was not asked to promote any of the products mentioned in this post nor was I compensated for said promotion. The entire post is comprised of my own thoughts, opinions, and preferences.

Runs To Meet Me

via http://ubdavid.org/youthworld/understanding-true-love/understanding-true-love_13.html

I’ve been overwhelmed, agitated, moody and mean.
Everything has been “going wrong”. Or it seems that way. Possibly it’s my attitude? But no really, things just keep going WRONG. Wrong = not the way I wanted them to go. They’re breaking or dropping or spilling or not coming out clean. The dog poops on the carpet, babyMan dumps his bowl of mac and cheese on the carpet, the toaster oven won’t toast, darling Bear got the wrong thing at the store…Oh dear, and I FORGOT….I forgot that Thing and it’s super important and holy whoa, now all the laundry and dishes and everything else will fall behind because I have to be on the phone for the next five hours in panic mode…

It’s time for dinner and I don’t feel like cooking. I’ve yelled at my kids entirely too much today. I’m mad at myself for that and somehow, that just makes me yell more. I’m snapping. Snapping at my husband, snapping at the kids, snapping at the dog — whoa, did I just snap at God?? I think I did. :(

Night after night of struggling to sleep, struggling through anger, struggling through frustration, wrestling with anxiety, wrestling with control. Each night, hoping that the NEXT day will be The Beginning of Better…

Today, I woke up. The day was…a day. There was stress and anxiety. Errands to run and missions to accomplish. Discussions on Facebook adding to the steadily increasing sense of Being Overwhelmed. And then something broke. No, it popped.

A revelation in my brain: everything — all of this — can be traced back to my pride. My what? My pride? Really? My pride is that bad?

Like one of those do-it-yourself movie books, where you flip all the pages, my mind is flipping flipping flipping through all the Things and it links them all to one Thing, to pride…it happens lightning fast and That Feeling Of Being Overwhelmed spikes.

I have so far to go.
I’ll never get there.
This journey is so LONG…it’s BEEN long and it’s going to be LONGER…

I’m weary. I have nothing left. I’ve HAD nothing left, for days now. There was a bright spot the other night, while serving my church family but I have no doubt that was ALL Holy Spirit. I have no doubt because I spent the whole drive to church begging and begging, pleading with Him to work through me because

I had nothing.

 

 

I’m in the car and driving, tackling more tasks, eradicating more errands, watching the flip-movie in my mind. I cry out to God. My heart overflows into the confines of the van, a deluge of remorse, regret, repentance. And then…a song. A song plays on the radio and  my focus shifts off of me and onto Him…His creativity. His awesome Mind in creating music, creating human beings, creating voices…beautiful voices, thousands of sounds, millions of melodies…even when they’re just singing about the rain in Africa, they are so beautiful. He is so beautiful in His creation, His people. This is what I had forgotten — enjoying Him. Not stressing out, not snapping, not being overwhelmed — being in awe of Almighty Creative God. This is where my joy is.

And the flood in my van from my overflowing, over-burdened heart turns into a flood of joy-filled tears. My God is so amazing. And so mighty.  And He loves me! And there’s grace! And, and, and…

Suddenly, I realize the journey back wasn’t that long. “God!” I say out loud in my van. “You’re so quick to BE there! I take one step and wow….after these horrid, horrid days and my horrid attitude, I thought it would take at least as many days to retrace my steps and get back to where I’m supposed to be…but I’ve only taken one step and here I am, with You…”

A vision fills my mind, of the prodigal son trudging home. Such a long journey home…so far to go…the winding, dusty road stretches out ahead of him…

…but wait. His father…he’s running! To meet him! And just like that, the journey is over. The son is home, where he belongs.

 

I, too, thought I had this long, terrible trek ahead…by myself…long, winding, dusty…

But I take a step
with tears
with weariness
with full awareness that there is nothing good in me
with full awareness that all the good is in Him and He is beautiful…

…and He doesn’t wait. He doesn’t watch.

He runs.

He runs to meet me.

It’s so fast, that I’ve only realized it in retrospect; no time to have noticed it in The Happening, only time to realize that it happened.

My heart is brighter than the sun, with the revelation that He loves me enough to run. He wants me, enough to run.

I will be horrid again. My pride will rule again. But today my heart is shining.

He runs to meet me.

I will snap again. I will feel overwhelmed again. But I will turn, again…

And He will run…again.

I am broken. Always.

Broken Flame by Thien Bao

I remember attending a meeting at a church several years back and woman there making the comment, “We are all broken!” And in my heart, I rebelled against that statement. We are not broken, I thought. Jesus has healed us!  I was right in my thinking; but I found out this week that I was also wrong.

Jesus has healed us. But we are broken. Always. On this planet, in this flesh, we are broken.

It’s been a very long and difficult week. God, in His Sovereignty brought me face-to-face with the fact that being saved by His Son’s blood does not mean I can walk upright without falling. Yes, I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me, but do you know what I learned this week? There is always a little bit of something in me that is resistant to relying on Christ’s strength. Whether it’s a Rebellious Something, which wants to have its own way or a Proud Something, which wants to prove its ability or a Doubting Something, which thinks I’ve fallen on grace one too many times…

I am a broken gal this week. While I recognize (now) that I am forever in need of Christ’s rescuing from sin on this earth, the Proud Something in me is still kicking and screaming. But I WANT to be capable of pleasing You on my own! I can’t face You if I NEED You!!! It sounds silly to you, probably? It sounds silly to me. But so true, at the same time. I am not just painting a picture of a silly, rebellious child here; I am that child.

So why am I here today? What am I trying to say? This is definitely one of my lesser-prepared posts — okay, completely unprepared. A stream of consciousness, if you will.

I suppose I’m here today to let myself off the hook — and to let you off the hook too. I’m not perfect; I don’t have it all together; I love Jesus with all my heart but I still want to sin sometimes. A lot of the time. Several times a day, I want to sin. And I can not take ANY credit for the times I successfully resist sin, because even though I may be choosing to rely on Christ’s strength, I would FALL if He weren’t there. And I can claim no part whatsoever in ensuring that He is there for me; that is all Him.

So. Those of you who keep your distance because I paint too pretty a picture of myself, come closer. I am dirtier than you think, and quite possibly dirtier than you. If I have, in any way, led you to believe that there are trophies to achieve on this walk or leveling up to be done or successes to strive for, I apologize from the deepest depths of my heart. There is only one Trophy and that is Jesus. There is only one level you have to “pass” and that is embracing Him. There is only one success to be had, and it belongs to God. He successfully reconciled us to Him through the death and resurrection of His Son, Jesus Christ.

If you don’t believe that I am all that dirty, I will humbly muddy up a private message for you. But it’s not about me, so be prepared for a diligent mopping up with the gospel of Jesus Christ and how He has forgiven me.

*sigh* I’m still sad, inside, at just how…incapable I am of doing the right thing every time. However, I’m also thankful and filled with peace. My Deliverer is coming, and until then, He is standing by. My Jesus is mine and I am His.

The Cure for Anxiety – Part I

“This is why I tell you: Don’t worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Isn’t life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the sky: They don’t sow or reap or gather into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Aren’t you worth more than they? Can any of you add a single cubit to his height by worrying? And why do you worry about clothes? Learn how the wildflowers of the field grow: they don’t labor or spin thread. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was adorned like one of these! If that’s how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and thrown into the furnace tomorrow, won’t He do much more for you—you of little faith? So don’t worry, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear?’ For the idolaters eagerly seek all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be provided for you. Therefore don’t worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”  (Matthew 6:25-34 HCSB)

You don’t have to be a follower of Jesus to benefit from the last part of this passage:

“Don’t worry about tomorrow…Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

If you are a follower of Jesus, there is even more benefit in this passage: Jesus tells us that our Father God takes care of sparrows and GRASS — how much more will He take care of us, in spite of our “little faith”, because we are worth more than many sparrows?

It is an incredible encouragement — one I’ve held onto tenaciously these last ten months, and one that has even been proven by God’s provision in our lives these last ten months.

Nevertheless, I want to focus on verse 34 today. There is something for everyone, in this verse,  and perhaps even enough that one who is not yet familiar with the friendship of God might be spurred forward toward it.

“Don’t worry about tomorrow…Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

If one were to treat this as a pill, prescribed by a well-known and trusted physician, how might it change one’s life?

Rather than hypothesize, I will tell you how it has changed mine.

The other night, I was sitting in a home school meeting, listening to the mothers discuss — what seemed like at the time — HUNDREDS of THOUSANDS of things that their children had to do in order to finish high school. I began to feel overwhelmed…and then I began to feel anxious.

“I will never get all of this done!”  I thought. “It’s impossible! It’s too much! I must quit home schooling now!  (I’d only been doing it for three days, mind you.) Oh, but I  can’t quit! I am positive that God has told me to school my children at home! Whatever shall I do?!”

It is a true wonder that I did not throw myself to the floor with wails of despair. God is merciful in His sovereign interventions, is He not?

It must have been in just the moment I might have considered throwing myself to the ground with wails of despair that God spoke in my spirit.

“Fae,” He said, gentle and deep — He almost sounded amused. “Is all of this happening today?”

The wailing and spazzing in my brain immediately paused. “Well…no…”

“Then you don’t need to be thinking about it, do you?”

I gave a little laugh (internally, mind you). He was right. (He’s always right.) But just in case I had inclinations to doubt or disregard Him, He brought to mind Verse Thirty-Four.

Truthfully, that is not the first time we’ve had that conversation — and it undoubtedly will not be the last.

But it works. It nips anxiety in the bum and anxiety scurries off yipping every time.

As I said in the beginning of this post, you don’t have to be friends with Jesus (also known as The Great Physician) to benefit from His prescription. I like to call it Verse Thirty-Four.

And perhaps, when you’ve experienced His remedy for this particular malady in your own life, perhaps you might just be curious enough to find out more about this Man and what He wants with you.

Curiosity inevitably breeds bravery, and bravery will serve you well — for, as C. S. Lewis taught us through the “person” of Aslan,

The Great Physician is not safe ––
but He is good.

Guest post: A Lesson In Spiritual Sewing

Today, I am honored to introduce my very first guest author ever! Her name is Margaret and she just so happens to be my mother. :) Since she’s such an important part of “being Fae”, I find it rather fitting that she gets to be the first guest writer for my blog — and, as you’ll see in her piece, it was not specifically arranged to be that way! But before we get to that bit, I would like to properly introduce her.

My mother grew up as a PK (preacher’s kid) and she accepted Jesus Christ as her Savior around 4 or 5 years old. She tells me that she has had an awareness of His involvement in her life since she was little. Her heart’s desire is always to honor and glorify Him, and I think she is quite diligent about ascribing glory and honor to Him, whether via text message replies or posts on Facebook or in the middle of conversation. A lot of my own heart for God has been influenced by her beautiful example.

My mom loves bike riding, (especially tandem with my dad), reading, crochet, volleyball and being outside; she has four kids, (of which I am the oldest), and she tells me that each of our unique abilities and hearts for God bring her much joy.

She writes…

“Lesson I learned today: If you don’t want to take the time to baste stitch, you WILL take the time to seam-rip!”

After writing that as my status on Facebook the other night, my daughter commented that there was some spiritual application in that statement and she asked me if I would like to guest post for her blog. I gave it some thought and prayer, but nothing specific was coming to me. I thought of all kinds of applications like: If you don’t do your laundry, you will be wearing dirty clothes. If you don’t spend time with your kids, they will do time when they are older. But nothing seemed to give me that ah-ha feeling. So I commented that it was likely hers to write about as nothing was coming to me, but I would love to guest blog another time. Then I went out on a quick trip to Wal-Mart. While I was in the car, Chip Ingram’s message came on — it was the second time that day that I got to hear this particular message, entitled “Sexual Purity in a Sex-Saturated World” (I listen to him and James MacDonald every morning as I get ready for the day). But this time while listening to him, when he said he was “ruthless” about what he fed his mind through his ears and eyes because he knew how “weak” he was, I started bawling because it resonated with me big time. Many might look at me and think I am a strong Christian. But I am not. I’m actually quite weak! And it is because of my weaknesses that I am diligent…ruthless…about what I feed myself spiritually speaking.

When it is in my control, I try to diet solely on Christian music because it has been my experience that when I deviate into the secular realm, it is the first baby step towards broken fellowship with God. It gets me thinking things I shouldn’t think or dwelling on “the good ol’ days” and getting into pity parties. It even does a number on my pride…making me feel “cool”.

My reading preferences exclude secular romance and the latest best-sellers that could promote thinking on things that are not true, noble, just, pure, lovely, of good report, have virtue or are praiseworthy. “Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy-meditate on these things.” (Philippians 4:8)

Something else I have to guard, but have the hardest time regulating, is my TV viewing. I love reality TV — shows that show people interacting with each other. I find that stuff fascinating. It is better for me to be ruthless and not turn the TV on at all than to think that I won’t get sucked in to watching something that is not edifying.

I am ruthless about certain practices, too. For example, bouncing my eyes off of men I find attractive, whether it is a magazine picture or on TV or in real life.

One thing Chip Ingram brought out in his message was something like this: “If King David, who was “a man after God’s own heart”, who experienced God in many amazing ways and who knew true communion with God, could fall away into adultery and then try to cover it up with murder, surely *I* am capable of the same or worse!” 

I agree completely!!!

A good seamstress will take the time to baste-stitch in order to prevent time spent with a seam-ripper. I spend time with godly influences in order to prevent time spent in broken fellowship, breaking the heart of God, and having to do the work of repentance. I don’t do it because I am a good Christian, though. I do it because I know my weaknesses.

“Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall.” I Corinthians 10:12

Just A Closer Walk With Thee
1. I am weak, but Thou art strong;
Jesus, keep me from all wrong;
I’ll be satisfied as long
As I walk, let me walk close to Thee.

[Refrain: ]
Just a closer walk with Thee,
Grant it, Jesus, ’tis my plea,
Daily walking close to Thee,
Let it be, dear Lord, let it be.

2. Through this world of toil and snares,
If I falter, Lord, who cares?
Who with me my burden shares?
None but Thee, dear Lord, none but Thee.
3. When my feeble life is o’er,
Time for me will be no more;
Guide me gently, safely o’er
To Thy kingdom shore, to Thy shore.

___
The message mentioned in this post can be found at http://livingontheedge.org/broadcasts by scrolling to the dates August 29 and August 30.

I Have No Idea What God Is Doing.

I have no idea how long we’ll be unemployed.

I have no idea if we’ll end up in a house of our own or renting again.

I have no idea why I’m constantly so tired, sleeping terribly, and feeling physically miserable in spite of improved eating and almost daily exercise.

I have no idea why a certain friend suddenly stopped communicating with me.

I have no idea how God intends to use me at our new church.

I have no idea how happy or miserable my marriage will be in five years—or even next month.

I have no idea how much I’ll like having a poodle or if I’ll even get to have one.

I don’t know what God is doing in each of these areas of my life.

There, I said it.

I don’t know.

So dear brain, please give up trying to figure it out. Stop chewing on every possible angle; stop creating what-if scenarios; stop presuming upon God; stop thinking you can see how it’s all coming together.

Because you can’t.

And today, I decided I don’t want to.

Today, the sun is out. The air is literally the perfect temperature. The kids are healthy and safe, Bear is in love with me and I’m in love with him, I have stunningly precious friends, there’s plenty of good food in the house, lots to entertain or exercise with—in short, it’s a good day.

So today is enough. I don’t need to think about tomorrow. I have chosen to be happy with right now. 

(Sometimes I just have to put it out there and hope my brain reads my blog.)

Since Then…

This was one year ago today: a page from my diary.

Now, a year later, the ride downhill is long over and the trek up a new one is still in progress. This particular hill is in the desert. The manna from Heaven is abundant, but the sand in our shoes is uncomfortable; the heat is draining. Water is plentiful but we constantly have to drink it or we suffer the headaches of depression and a terrible thirst for joy. There have, however, been several oases along the way: staying at friends’ houses while they travel, good times with treasured friends, and camping trips.

I sense that we’re either coming to an end in this journey or we’re about to round a bend. God is quietly but steadily allowing His hand to be seen and His presence to be felt, moreso than when we first began this journey. Or maybe not. Maybe I’m just paying more attention…

Nevertheless, it’s been quite a year. I can truthfully say it’s been one of the best. Our time in the desert has been spent patiently plugging along, day by day, as God unties various knots of bondage in our lives—to material possessions, to past mistakes, to fear, to guilt…we are truly learning to fly!

I suspect this hill doesn’t have a downward turn. I suspect this hill’s upward climb leads right to a ledge. But it won’t be a dead-end. Oh no.

It’ll be the launching site, into What’s Next, into an exhilarating opportunity to put into practice the freedoms we’ve learned on this journey!

At least, that’s what I *think* is coming up. You never really know with God. And often, He lets you guess so you can be that much more surprised when you find out what He’s REALLY up to (and you realize you were wrong!).

But I do know one thing is for sure—at some point, we *will* be flying. Cos God doesn’t give you wings for walking. ☆