i ask this question every day.
sometimes with anger.
sometimes with deep sorrow.
sometimes with giddy anticipation and excitement.
sometimes out of pure and simple curiosity.
i have yet to get a straight answer. there’s never a booming voice in the clouds or a gentle whisper in my spirit.
lately, there is absolutely, inconceivably, thoroughly frustratingly nothing.
i’m left to my own devices, which consist primarily of doubt and fear.
“what if God isn’t real?”
“what if i’ve got the wrong God?”
“what if He’s not really engaged in my life at all?”
“what if everything is made up, psychological flukes, genetic predispositions toward religion, etc.?”
i can almost guarantee you there is not a doubt out there that hasn’t been one of my own at some point in time.
but i’m not really left to my own devices, even though it often feels that way. God’s word is living and active. His Spirit lives in me. and those two things together create a powerful force to be reckoned with.
i remember that, when i DO what the Bible says, it works. i have never seen it not work.
the wind reminds me of His power and the sun reminds me of His love.
my own delight in my children reveals His delight in me.
“what are You doing?” i ask this question at least once a day and i never get a new answer. but His Spirit within reminds me of old answers…
…i know that He is doing good things.
i know that He is never sleeping.
i know that He is weaving all things for my good, because i love Him.
i know He is feeding the birds and clothing the flowers, so how much more is He taking care of me?
i know He is disciplining, training and strengthening me.
i know He is smiling at me and crying with me.
i know that He is.
and i know i am His. †